The Post-Times

Ephrata, Lancaster County, PA.
World Press Association
June 12, 2009

During a swift, surgical raid on an abandoned fire engine factory, the FBI arrested the “Robin Hood Gang’ yesterday evening. The building had been closed in May when La France condensed its operations to its central location in South Carolina. According to FBI sources who asked to remain unnamed the gang had been moving through a series of abandoned commercial locations, briefly utilizing one as a camp, and then moving on. The recent release of a manifesto by the gang was the clue that allowed the FBI to track to them to Ephrata prior to their departure. Ironically, the recent timing of the factory’s closing was what clued the FBI to the unusual nature of activity in that location.

A press conference was given by Special Agent Tom Riggens who lead the investigation these last few months, under much scrutiny and a great deal of derision. No questions were taken.

“Several months ago I promised you that these traitors would be brought to justice, and today we delivered on that promise. Before anything else, I wish to commend the agents on my team, and those members of law enforcement who assisted us. It was truly thankless and exhausting work, but we did not relent because we knew it was God’s work….

“We have compiled sufficient evidence to charge these four men with breaking and entering, armed robbery, arson, assault, and kidnapping. I believe they should be tried for treason and sedition as well, but those are more complex charges that fall in the jurisdiction of the Attorney General. Regardless of the labels applied to their crimes, Americans can rest assured they will be punished for their crimes…”

The prisoners were transferred under heavy guard to the Federal Detention Center in Philadelphia, PA to await arraignment. When they arrived this morning there were already over 500 protesters outside the facility with signs demanding everything from “Free Robin Hood” to “Death to Terrorists”.

Whatever does happen to these men, their actions have starkly defined the divisions in America. What has become most apparent to this reporter, however, is what the sides have in common. Always the most extreme is argued from an entrenched position that does not allow for the possibility that the ‘other’ might have something to offer. Nowhere is the moderate argument. Nowhere is the voice of reason. Perhaps President Washington was correct when he said, “It [partisan politics] agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, [and] foments occasionally riot and insurrection.”

JD Adler
WPA

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Washington, DC
World Press Association
May 28, 2009

After a pause in activity, the ‘Robin Hood Gang’ again struck last night. This time at the very heart of our financial system, the Bureau of Engraving and Printing (BEP). The BEP, located in Washington, DC and Fort Worth, TX, is responsible for the printing of all United States paper money as well as some stamps, securities, and official awards. Coinage, alternately, is made by the US mint.

It is unknown how they were able to access the buildings, but at exactly 3:30 am EST last night. Explosions rocked both buildings destroying the printing presses and the inventory of paper and ink currently on hand. Witnesses describe a plume of smoke and flames rising into the air at least thirty feet above the height of the roof.

“The colors were spectacular,” a security guard from the BEP annex across the street said, “all that ink and chemically treated paper burned in the most magnificent spectacle. I am just glad no one was inside, though, cuz that stuff burns hot.”

A spokesman for the Treasury Department, speaking on condition of anonymity, said it would take at least six months to restart production of US paper money.

The White House announced plans to temporarily halt production of pennies and begin production of $1.00 and $5.00 copper coins from the US Mint until the “problem can be resolved”. The President stressed in his public address this afternoon that the effects of this attack were “more symbolic than real”, and we can continue to do business as usual. Stating that there is “plenty of currency in the marketplace and normal production of currency will resume shortly”.

The marketplace, however, did not seem to agree. Upon hearing that the US Dollar had suddenly become a rare commodity, the value of the dollar skyrocketed on world markets today. In Japan the dollar rose $.50 against the Yen, in London the Dollar rose $.75 against the Pound, and in Germany the Dollar rose $.35 against the Euro. In Chicago this morning, which has become the US market center since they reopened after the attack on the NYSE, the day opened with an initial panic selling causing the Dow to drop 500 points in an hour, but news of the increased strength of the dollar worldwide turned the tide. The day closing with the Dow up 100 points over yesterday’s close.

The ‘Robin Hood Gang’ released their first statement today; the full text is currently being withheld at the FBI’s request while they study its value as evidence. While we at the Post-Times are believers in free speech, we are also not interested in furthering criminal activity. We can however summarize the statement for you until a decision is made about its release in the future.

They stated that this was to be their last strike. They claimed they were not traitors or revolutionaries, but citizens who simply desired accountability. They do not feel that their actions were inclusive of all those who are responsible for this crisis, but that they had made their point. They then go on to provide what can only be called a manifesto of complaints and ideals for how a nation should be run. While the statement is well thought out, one cannot help but contemplate the hubris required to offer such a diatribe to a nation whose best and brightest has spent so much time considering these very issues.

If they indeed keep their promise to cease activities, what will happen to the FBI’s investigation, which has made little progress to date? And what will come of the grass roots support that has developed over the past few weeks for their activities? Most importantly, how will the damage they inflicted to the US fiscal infrastructure effect our economy long term and will they ever suffer accountability for their own actions?

JD Adler
WPA

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Philadelphia, Pa
World Press Association
May 9, 2009

In the wake of the recent attacks by the ‘Robin Hood’ gang, as well as the copy cat attacks around the country, one has to ask us what does all this mean? Clearly there is the most shallow of observations, people are angry. This is not news, nor did it take these attacks to discover either. People have been angry for some time; angry about a government which seems to not hear them, angry about paying taxes without receiving anything in return, angry about fighting wars that seem to have no purpose, and generally angry about living in a country that has seems to have lost its way without finding a new one.

What is so different now that people are willing to turn to away from the system, or praise those who do? Is it simply the feeling of having been robbed? Or is it that the government appears to be in collusion with the robbers? Or perhaps it’s just that our collective welfare appears to depend on the machinations of a few people who don’t really care?

If the Fed had raised interest rates in 2006 when the housing bubble was leveling off, it would have spelled the end for the hedge fund bubble but all the people on subprime loans could have refinanced as they had planned and the mortgage crisis could have been avoided. Since the Fed kept interest rates low, hedge funds kept growing until their inevitable collapse on the heels of the mortgage crisis caused the credit crisis. What’s more, the only reason they were able to offer these subprime loans and hedge fund derivatives is because the last two administrations removed the rules that prevented it. And now Washington tells us they must bailout the very same businesses that did this to our country by having the Fed pour more money into the marketplace.

What’s more is that the same people who hold jobs, and pay their mortgage, and pay taxes, are the one’s who are going to be funding this bailout in the long run… and know it. It’s one thing to ask me to assist a down on her luck mother of three with some food stamps and welfare checks, its another thing entirely to ask me to help a multibillion dollar corporation that just crashed the economy without suffering any personal consequences.

That last part really seems to be the crux of the matter. Maybe the reason people like the idea of a modern day Robin Hood taking out vigilante justice is because the actual justice system doesn’t appear to be. Time Magazine put out a list of 25 names responsible for the current fiscal crisis, other than Bernie Madoff who turned himself in when he realized he lost everything, no one on that list has faced indictment. When will there be consequences for destroying our economy in a way that was completely avoidable?

Civil unrest occurs when the government fails to uphold its end of the social contract.

JD Adler
WPA

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New York, NY
World Press Association
April 21, 2009

The brazen band of men who have been nicknamed “modern day Robin Hoods” by the media, including this Blog, struck again last night. This time against the heart of America’s financial infrastructure; the New York Stock Exchange and Euronext building.

There were few witnesses to the 3:00 am attack; a taxi driver, a few homeless people, and a security guard from the NYSE building. While details are sketchy and contradictory among the witnesses, they do agree on a few important points. They describe a dark station wagon stopping in front of the Broadway entrance to the building, the now familiar four men in black clothes getting out and removing a rocket launcher from the rear hatch of the vehicle. Next, 5 to 7 missiles were fired at the front of the building. Whatever did happen, there is no doubt that the several columns and all the windows are broken this morning and no one is allowed inside. Trading has been temporarily suspended by the President. No injuries were reported from the middle of the night attack.

FBI Special Agent Riggens was on scene all morning investigating and speaking to the press. “These men seem to think that by attacking other Americans they can somehow resolve our current problems, but all they are accomplishing is making matters worse. They are not heroes. They are criminals, and like all criminals they are cowards hiding. They hide behind masks, they hide behind the cover of dark, and they hide behind anonymity. The press attempts to glorify them by nicknaming them after folk heroes, but look at who they attack. They attack our elected representatives and our financial centers… these men aren’t folk heroes, they are domestic terrorists!”

A citizen in the crowd shouted a question to Agent Riggens, “If they are domestic terrorists then they are American Citizens. Do you know that for a fact, or are you just assuming that because who else would be this mad at this group of people?” To which the crowd laughed and applauded, causing Agent Riggens to walk away angrily.

To date these men have attacked the board of AIG, the homes of Bernie Madoff and Dick Luft, Congressmen Frank and Dodd, and now the NYSE. What began as a humorous prank on those who seemed most directly responsible for our fiscal woes has become an all out war on the pillars of the American economic system. Which must leave members of the American elite wondering, who will they target next?

JD Adler
WPA

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World Press Agency
Washington, DC
April 15, 2009

This afternoon Senator Dodd and Representative Barney Frank, two powerful Congressional Democrats in charge of the Finance Committees, were scheduled to hold a press conference. Neither of them showed. Instead, eyewitnesses report, at 11:45 am four men in black clothes, wearing black stocking masks attacked them at the deli where they are known to eat lunch.

What began as a normal day was suddenly flung into chaos by the well-planned assault. “It was terrible,” Wendy Calhoun, a waitress at Phil-N-Buster’s Deli was crying as she told us, “First, all the security guys got hit with darts and fell down. Then a big van pulled up and these guys… you know the one’s everyone has been talking about… the Robin Hood guys… they jumped out, grabbed the Congressmen and were gone…”

Less than 15 minutes later both men were found without physical injuries. The same probably could not be said for their egos, however. Park Rangers found the Congressmen in their underwear, duct taped to each other in front of the Vietnam War Memorial. The words “liberty” and “honor” had been written on their chests.

As Chairmen of their respective Congressional finance committees, both men have been criticized for not making more noise about the fact that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were passing bad paper. A fact they were well aware of and told few outside of Washington. Senator Dodd has also been criticized for authoring a bill, apparently without knowing it, which allowed executives at AIG to receive bonuses on the taxpayer dime.

Special Agent Tom Riggens of the FBI made a statement after being appointed lead investigator on the case.

“I do not care whether you call these men vigilantes, terrorists, or Mary Poppins… I call them perps. The previous two attacks were acts of theft, assault, and destruction of property, but this, today, this was an attack on elected government officials. There is only one word for that crime; treason. These men are traitors to the government of the United States of America. I will bring them to justice.”

What is justice for a group of men targeting the people responsible for the economic meltdown of America? A parade?

JD Adler
WPA

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World Press Association
April 8, 2009

Last week four men in black clothes broke into the Philadelphia offices of AIG and robbed their executives at gunpoint. Ranting about liberty while they did it. Yesterday four men in black clothes burned down the houses of convicted felon Bernie Madoff, and accused felon Richard Fuld; both men former financial superstars whose falls are closely linked to the current financial crisis.

The FBI would not comment on ongoing investigations, other than to say all possibilities were being considered. Witnesses interviewed by this service provided descriptions very similar to those provided at the AIG assault.

Common elements include; black, military clothing, US flag patches on the left shoulder, a variety of weapons, speeches about liberty and freedom, and no physical injuries to anyone.

Witnesses at the Madoff house saw the men fleeing after the fire had been set, presumably to get to the Fuld house. At the Fuld house they broke in, cleared out all the family members and staff, and then set fire to the property. As the house burned one of the men stepped forward and spoke to the family until the sirens approached.

“It was so bizarre,” one of the staff explained, asking not to be named for fear of her safety, “He started waving his hand in the air and accusing us of crimes… murder, treason, theft…tyranny… he called us tyrants, I don’t even run the kitchen.” Family members were unreachable for comment.

Bernie Madoff was an investment broker made famous for running the largest Ponzi scheme in history on charities, banks, and some small nations. The financial crisis caused the bottom to fall out and his marks lost billions. He has since been convicted of several felonies.

Richard Fuld was an investment banker, Chairman of Lehman Brothers when it failed due to his decision to invest more of their money in sub-prime mortgages than any other single investor and refusal to sell the company, three times, once they were in trouble. He was highly criticized for receiving a $22 million bonus in 2007 just before bankruptcy was declared. There are currently ongoing fraud investigations against him in New York and New Jersey.

Repeated calls to the FBI and Justice department for comment on these apparent serial, interstate attacks on those at the heart of the financial crisis remain answered only by the practiced line, “We have our best people on it.”

Who are these “best people”? Who are these men in black clothes? Who should we be rooting for?

JD Adler
WPA

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World Press Association, Philadelphia
April 1, 2009

In a daring and dangerous assault, four men attacked AIG’s Board subcommittee on Financial and Risk Management last night as they were meeting in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The committee, comprised of board members, Morris Offit (Offitbank, Chariman), Dennis Dammerman (formerly GE, Vice-Chairman), Martin Feldstein (Harvard U, economics Professor), and Suzanne Johnson (Former Goldman-Sachs, Vice- Chairman), were meeting at the company’s Snyder Plaza offices to discuss local corporate issues when the assault began.

Witnesses state that the perpetrators entered through the front doors just before lock up time, 7:00 pm. Carrying an assortment of automatic weapons, pistols and knives; they ordered everyone remain still and quiet and then did not interact with the crowd again. Focusing their attentions on the Board members, they lined them up, forced them to max their ATM account withdrawals and credit card cash advances at gun point, took all of their jewelry, watches, and other valuables, and then took all of their clothes as well.

A number of witnesses reported the reactions of board members were far stronger for the personal items than the cash, “They didn’t seem to care about a few thousand in cash they were losing, but the jewelry and watches and stuff really bothered them. They felt connected to that stuff.” Said one witness on condition of anonymity.

“Yeah,” Her friend Julie Smith of Abington, PA agreed, “And when they took the clothes off their backs… whooh! Were them rich folk mad!”

The four men, dressed in black pants, shirts, masks, and American flag patches on their left shoulders apparently gave a short speech on the meaning of liberty in a free society before fleeing out the doors at the sound of police sirens. Philadelphia police and FBI agents chased them to the waterfront where the thieves had a speedboat waiting for them at the pier at Snyder and Columbus streets. They sped downriver, dodging bullets, entering New Jersey just north of I-76. The crew of thieves were last spotted taking the boat up-river towards Camden Park, yesterday at 7:30 pm as the sun went down.

No physical injuries were reported as a result of the armed robbery.

As of one hour ago jewelry and other items from the robbery had been found in various locations around Camden, New Jersey. There had been no reports on the whereabouts of the cash or the thieves. Sources inside the police department tell us that rumors of a sudden spending spree in the tent village which has sprung up in recent months on the city’s outskirts are being looked into.

JD Adler
WPA

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