The Post-Times

World Press Association

December 3, 2009

Today, in a surprising move, President Obama has announced that the additional 30,000 troops for Afghanistan will be drawn entirely from a draft of families making more than $200,000 per year. According to sources at the White House, who would only speak on condition of anonymity, “After so many years of poor kids dying to make rich people more powerful, the President feels it is high time they gave their pound (.45 kg) of flesh as well.”

When asked directly about this sudden switch in policy, Vice President Biden said, “This is not a switch at all, the President has long said we all need to have skin in the game, now we do.”

Official sources at the White House have attempted to down play this policy shift, claiming that it was just a joke made at a meeting and has no substantive value at all. When asked to clarify the VP’s comment, the Press Secretary only sighed, shook his head, and walked away.

Radio Personality and spokesperson for the morally bankrupt, Rush Limbaugh spent the afternoon on his show condemning, “..this act of tyranny. The President has no right or authority to send our best and brightest off to war when we have so man poor kids willing to volunteer. Clearly that’s what poor people are for, to die so that the rich can be richer. This is the worst kind of class warfare. More evidence that this President is a communist, fascist, dictator. We must rise up and end this regime… as soon as we can find some poor people willing to fight for the right of rich people not to go to war.”

Fox News entertainer Glenn Beck issued a special, tearful report, “I weep for this nation, for the wealthy people of this nation. (sniffle) What does the American dream mean any more if not the ability to exploit the poor so that we can live a safe, comfortable life? If the rich are susceptible to the same dangers and sacrifices as the poor…(sniffle) if we are all equal in our sacrifices for America…(sniffle) then what is the point of capitalism? This is a sad day for all Americans who hope to one day be the exploiters.”

Rumors have begun to come in that wealthy people all over America are organizing a website to hire poor people to march for them in protest of this policy. Although, at this time, this rumor remains unconfirmed.

JD Adler

WPA