The Post-Times

World Press Agency
Washington, DC
April 15, 2009

This afternoon Senator Dodd and Representative Barney Frank, two powerful Congressional Democrats in charge of the Finance Committees, were scheduled to hold a press conference. Neither of them showed. Instead, eyewitnesses report, at 11:45 am four men in black clothes, wearing black stocking masks attacked them at the deli where they are known to eat lunch.

What began as a normal day was suddenly flung into chaos by the well-planned assault. “It was terrible,” Wendy Calhoun, a waitress at Phil-N-Buster’s Deli was crying as she told us, “First, all the security guys got hit with darts and fell down. Then a big van pulled up and these guys… you know the one’s everyone has been talking about… the Robin Hood guys… they jumped out, grabbed the Congressmen and were gone…”

Less than 15 minutes later both men were found without physical injuries. The same probably could not be said for their egos, however. Park Rangers found the Congressmen in their underwear, duct taped to each other in front of the Vietnam War Memorial. The words “liberty” and “honor” had been written on their chests.

As Chairmen of their respective Congressional finance committees, both men have been criticized for not making more noise about the fact that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were passing bad paper. A fact they were well aware of and told few outside of Washington. Senator Dodd has also been criticized for authoring a bill, apparently without knowing it, which allowed executives at AIG to receive bonuses on the taxpayer dime.

Special Agent Tom Riggens of the FBI made a statement after being appointed lead investigator on the case.

“I do not care whether you call these men vigilantes, terrorists, or Mary Poppins… I call them perps. The previous two attacks were acts of theft, assault, and destruction of property, but this, today, this was an attack on elected government officials. There is only one word for that crime; treason. These men are traitors to the government of the United States of America. I will bring them to justice.”

What is justice for a group of men targeting the people responsible for the economic meltdown of America? A parade?

JD Adler
WPA